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$10 limerick #13
There was an old man of the Cape
Who buggared a Barbary ape.
Said the ape, "Sir, your prick
Is too long and too thick,
And something is wrong with the shape."
Norman Douglas:
"Now what was wrong with the shape?
A variant to the last three lines will help to clear up the mystery:
The ape said: "You fool!
You've got a square tool;
You've buggared my arse out of shape."
"This is a legitimate cause of remonstrance on the part of anybody in the ape's position. At the same time, I must say I have never seen a square tool, though many are not altogether round. Perhaps the ape was exaggerating. Perhaps it only felt square. "We generally find," says the Rev. Sydney Smith in his Sketches of Moral Philosophy, "that the triangular person has got into the square hole, the oblong into the triangular, and a square person has squeezed himself into the round hole."
"According to Xavier Mayne (The Intersexes, N.D. p.39; see also Garnier's well-known book) "entire genera of the ape and monkey family" are given to practising simili-sexual habits, "even when the male has access to the female for hetero-sexual copulation." This particular ape was obviously no novice at such diversions; indeed his language reveals him as a well-mannered but impenitent uranian.
"Although to the best of my knowledge, no authentic case has yet come to light, it is a firmly established belief among African natives that the greater apes occasionally have intercourse with human beings. And why shouldn't they? It's all in the family...."
Or Take Your Pick:
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