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$10 limerick #16

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born.
     And he wouldn't have been
     If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.

Norman Douglas:
"I should apologise for inserting this well-known lyric but for the fact that so perfect a specimen of the Golden Period cannot be excluded from a collection like this. The smoothness of the versification: the glamour that hangs about mysterious regions like Tierra del Fuego: the wistfulness of the opening lines and the anticlimax of the last one – they all testify to the genius of the Unknown Poet.

"It is not surprising that the young man in question should have suffered from melancholia. Travellers concur in stating that this is one of the gloomiest landscapes on earth; a desolation of fog, drizzle, and snow. Charles Darwin, in his Voyage of the Beagle, tells us that "Death, instead of Life, seems the predominant spirit" of those parts, and a more recent writer, Metcalfe, reports that the natives are letting themselves die out, apparently, from "sheer weariness of living."

"I cannot say how that rubber came to reach Cape Horn; maybe it was bartered by the mate of a passing whaler for a dozen sea-otter skins. These appliances are supposed to be of French origin, but they must have been already known at the Byzantine Court, if what Gibbon calls "the most detestable precautions" of Theodora were of this kind. And some curious material has now come to light (Prof. O. Schwanzerl, Kondonsgebrauch im frühesten Mittelalter, Budapesht, 1903) showing that they were in use under the Merovingians. They were made of deerskin – gegerbtes Hirschleder – and smeared with tallow – Unschlick – to facilitate penetration. (For an analogous use of leather see Mime VI and VII of Herodas). The invention was attributed to the Queen who, while fond of lovers, insisted, and rightly, on the legitimacy of her offspring.

"The world would be a better place, if modern women had the same respect for their husbands."

(Ed.note: Compare the dramatic version above with Edward Lear's moribund treatment:

There was an old man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born;
     So he sat in a chair
     Till he died of despair,
That dolorous man of Cape Horn.

Blah, blah...)

$10 Limerick No.17

Or Take Your Pick:

girl from Kilkenny Sappho of Greece girl of Pitlochry girl of Baroda
man of Peru man of Belgravia Royal Marine lady at sea
man of Devizes man of Australia man called McLean lady of Kew
man of the Cape lady named Skinner man of Kildare man of Cape Horn
Dean of Saint Paul's lady called Wylde student of John's man of Loch Leven